Burning Bridges
by klutzysunshine
Summary: Set post "Number Three". Kevin's pretty sure he's gone too far this time and has burned bridges with Randall.


**I don't own This Is Us nor will I ever. No copyright infringement intended. Warning for mentions of alcoholism and drug addiction.  
**

* * *

Even though he was still drunk after being arrested and thrown in jail, Kevin knew he had fucked up badly and he might not be able to come back from this. He didn't even care that this would likely get out to the media and possibly hurt his career - he was mostly worried about Tess and if she was okay, and how Randall and Beth would take this. He knew he had gone too far this time and had probably burned bridges with his brother and sister-in-law. So to say he was surprised when a clearly furious Randall bailed him out was definitely an understatement. "Get in the car," Randall told him through gritted teeth as they exited the police station.

Kevin nodded. "Okay," he said and that was that. They sat in silence in the car the whole way back to Randall's place.

When they got inside, Beth was waiting in the kitchen with a stony look on her face, which quickly turned to a glare when she saw her brother-in-law. "You're lucky the girls are upstairs," was all she said.

Kevin stood there, saying nothing and waiting for the ax to fall. "I'm sorry," was all he offered, knowing it wasn't enough.

"You're still drunk and need to sober up. Go upstairs and sleep it off," Randall ordered.

"Tess says she sneaked into the car and you weren't aware she was in there." Beth said nothing else and pointed upstairs.

He nodded and made his way upstairs, Randall at his heels. Kevin stood against the bed, swaying a bit, while Randall stopped at the doorway. "We'll talk more when you're sober but after that, I want you out of my house."

Kevin had expected it but being kicked out still hurt. "Yeah, I know," he said, his voice hitching. He cringed at himself. He didn't need his brother's sympathy nor did he expect it. As soon as Randall turned around and left, slamming the door behind him, Kevin slid to the floor and leaned against the bed. And that's when he finally fell to pieces. His shoulders started to shake and he ended up crying himself to sleep, still leaning against the bed.

When he woke up hours later, Kevin made a quick trip to the bathroom to wipe off his face - he still looked like shit - and try to look presentable. With a heavy heart, he slowly walked downstairs and prepared to face Beth and Randall's anger.

Randall sighed when he saw him. "You sober?" he asked.

"Yeah," Kevin answered.

"Good. The girls are with a friend so we can speak freely. What is the matter with you?" Randall asked.

"You put my daughter in danger!" Beth yelled.

"I know. I'm so sorry. There's no excuse for what I did. I could have killed us both." And that thought had been haunting him in his sleep.

"Mom, Kate, and Toby are flying in from LA. There's apparently a lot we need to discuss," Randall told him.

"Is Kate okay?" Kevin didn't mention to them that they shouldn't be focusing all on their attention on him - she deserved and needed it more than him right now.

"She will be. We're more worried about you, even though I'm still furious," Randall admitted. Even though Kevin was now sober, he could tell his brother was still unwell - something was clearly wrong.

"You don't need to worry about me. I just had a little too much to drink, made a stupid mistake, and now I'm paying for it." Kevin didn't want them to worry about him. He knew he needed help but asking for it was hard, and how could he after what happened with Tess? Why would anybody even want to help him?

"Are you hungry?" Randall asked.

Beth shot her husband a glare. "We're asking if he's hungry now?" she questioned, dismayed.

"He needs something to eat," Randall pointed out.

"Guys, don't fight because of me. I'm just going to go to a hotel - via Uber - and you don't even have to worry about it. I'll get out of your lives." It was the least Kevin could do, and as much as he was aching for alcohol and/or Vicodin right now, he refused to touch either of them at the moment. That's how he had ended up in this mess.

Even though they were both still angry, Randall and Beth exchanged confused glances at Kevin's statement. "Okay then." Randall didn't really know what to say to that.

Half an hour later, Kevin had booked a hotel room and his Uber showed up. Randall followed him to the door. "We're going to talk about this some more," he warned.

Kevin shrugged. "What more is there to say? The family fuck up struck again." And then he left before Randall could get another word in.

* * *

Five hours later, Kevin still hadn't touched anything, even though he wanted to, and was curled up in a ball on the bed. Then his cell phone rang. "What room are you in? We're here," Kate said.

Kevin blinked. "Room 405," he finally answered.

"Great. We're coming up!" Kate hung up the phone, and Kevin tried to make himself look presentable. His eyes were bloodshot and his body was shaking just a bit. He tried to will it to stop and found himself getting angry when nothing happened. He stood up straight when there was a knock on the door and rolled his eyes upon opening the door to his whole family.

"Hi," he told them, clearly agitated.

"Sit down," Rebecca ordered, and he immediately complied.

"We're still pissed but something is obviously going on with you. What's wrong?" Randall got right to the point.

Kevin still desperately wanted to ask for their help but fear stopped him in his tracks. "I might have a problem," he finally hedged.

Rebecca gasped. "Alcohol? Drugs?" she guessed.

He ignored her questions. "Kate, are you okay? How are you feeling?"

"Sad but this isn't about me right now. We're talking about you so stop deflecting," Kate answered.

"Kevin Nicholas Pearson, you need to talk to us. Look at you!" Rebecca frantically waved her arms around.

Miguel grabbed them to try to calm her down. "Rebecca, stop," he whispered.

"Yes to alcohol. And Vicodin," Kevin finally answered, his voice small.

"Oh God." Kate bit her lip and her eyes filled with tears. She had suspected ever since Randall called to tell her about the DUI but this was so much worse than she was expecting.

"Shit." Randall was glad he had acted on a hunch earlier and started researching various rehabs but he hated to see his brother like this.

"You can all stop pretending you're worried now. I'm going to get better - I'll stop drinking and taking the Vicodin. It's fine."

"Baby," a horrified Rebecca whispered.

"Really, you can all go home. I'm sure Tess needs you more than I do right now. Pretty sure I traumatized her, and I need to apologize for that soon."

"Kevin, what are you doing?" Tears poured down Kate's face and she felt wrecked. She had been put through the ringer in the past few days and needed to take care of herself but Kevin needed them more right now.

"Please don't cry," he begged.

"Kevin, what did you mean earlier when you said you'd get out of our lives?" Randall pressed.

He tried to stall but came up blank. "You know what it means, Randall! I told you when I left that I'm the Pearson that always fucks up. I've accepted it so you should too."

Beth felt bad and a little guilty for snapping at him earlier, even though he had put her child in danger. "Kevin, we can't forgive you for Tess right now, but we will eventually, you know that? You helped Randall when he was sick. Let us help you," she told him.

"You can come to us about anything. We're here to listen," Rebecca jumped in.

Kevin looked down at the floor, trying to pull himself together so he wouldn't start crying in front of them. Tears dripped down his face anyway and he finally gave up, looking back up at them. "Kate had Dad and Randall had Mom, and you always forgot about me. I constantly screw up, and that's all I'm good at. I'm in pain here! And not one of you noticed until now. But that's probably my fault. God, I should have said something earlier when I went to Randall's but Kate's news took precedence and the last thing I wanted to do was bother any of you with my worthless ass."

Rebecca couldn't take it anymore and she rushed to his side. "Kevin, you are not worthless." Irrational as it was, she felt like she had failed as a mother.

Kevin choked back a sob. "I need help," he finally admitted.

Rebecca opened her arms and for the second time in just days, one of her children fell into them. Randall and Kate joined in just a few seconds later, unable to take it anymore. "Sweetheart, we love you so please don't ever doubt that again. There is nothing you could do that would change it. And yes, you fucked up, but you are owning up to your mistakes and asking for help. Your father would be so proud."

"I miss him, Mom."

"I know you do, baby. I miss him too."

Kate wondered for a brief second if she had partially contributed to his breakdown by pushing him about grieving their father but chose not to focus on that for the time being. "We all miss him, Kev." She wondered if this was years of buried grief finally rising to the surface.

"And despite how mad Beth and I are, we're not giving up on you. What kind of brother would I be if I did, especially after you've tried so hard to repair our relationship and helped me during my own breakdown? We love you, Kevin," Randall told him.

Kevin continued to sob but he felt warm in his family's embrace. "I don't know what to do."

"And that's why we're here." Rebecca smiled at him and started rubbing circles on his back to calm him down.

Beth, Miguel, and Toby hung back awkwardly on the other side of the room and continued to let them deal with this by themselves. "Do you want to talk to Tess?" Beth finally asked.

Kevin looked up. "Does she even want to see me?" he rasped.

"Of course she does. She was scared for herself but she was also scared _for_ you, Kevin. She's worried and keeps calling us to see if we've talked to you."

"I need to shower but can we talk to her now?" Kevin felt disgusting and needed to pull himself together.

"Of course. Go clean up," Rebecca encouraged.

They all tried to pretend like they didn't hear Kevin crying in the shower but he knew he had been busted immediately after leaving the bathroom. "Sorry," he told them upon seeing the heartbroken looks on their faces.

"You don't have to apologize for this." Rebecca wasn't about to let him feel ashamed for it when he clearly needed the release.

"Yeah, I cried in the shower myself so we're pretty much even. Randall just needs to do it and then we'll all be messes," Kate teased to lighten the mood.

Randall fake gasped. "Thanks for throwing me under the bus!"

Kevin rolled his eyes at their antics but his strained smile betrayed that he wasn't all that annoyed. "Let's go."

* * *

Tess lit up and she immediately ran to hug Kevin as soon as she spotted her uncle. "Are you okay?" she asked him.

"Are you okay, Tess? I know I scared you, and I'm sorry for that. I'm so sorry, baby," he told her, crouching down and immediately regretting it because he was definitely still shaky.

She nodded. "I'm a little scared but you don't look so good, Uncle Kevin."

He looked at her. "I'm a little sick, Tess, but I'm getting some help for it."

Tess' eyes widened. "Are you sick like Grandpa was?" she asked, terrified.

He shook his head. "No, I'm not. I'm a different kind of sick but I can and will get better. You don't need to worry about me. You focus on yourself, okay?"

Tess responded by throwing her arms around him. Kevin let out an oomph but righted himself and smiled at her. "I really needed that," he admitted.

"Good. I'm sorry I got into your car without you knowing. I shouldn't have done that."

"I forgive you as long as you can forgive me."

"I do. I hope you feel better soon, Uncle Kevin."

"I do too, Tess." He stood up and then hid his hands behind his back so he wouldn't alarm her. He beamed at Tess when she grinned at him.

Kevin was leaving for rehab in the morning and having a hard time focusing but his family sat down next to him on the couch and talked to him when he needed it. Their support meant the world to him. He'd forever feel guilty for getting a DUI with Tess in the car but Beth and Randall's forgiveness helped a lot. And they, along with the rest of the family, supported him every step of the way as he finally got the help he needed.


End file.
